An Insipidous, Criminal Idea

I have an idea.
I have such a whopper of an idea that I’m sure it will get me in trouble, one way or another.
This idea is so great, so diabolical, so ingenious, I’m surprised no one has thought of it before.
It’s simple. It’s crazy. It’s outrageous. It’s destined to make you laugh, others mad and some confused.
This idea is so laden with insanity and rebelliousness that I’m sure to be labeled a zealot, a wacko, a nutcase. And after you hear my stupendous idea, I’d bet you would agree with my looney brain and actually think it would be fun.
Are you frustrated with fees? Tired of small charges? Sick of additions and small percentage interest charges? Tired of seeing a small bill inflate because of $1.23 here and $0.56 there?
Phone, utility, insurance, car and credit card bills — they all do it to us. They put surcharges and fees up our collective wahzoos.
I say it’s time to strike back. I say it’s time for a revolution. I say it’s time to get our minds off anthrax and terrorism and strike back on our own against fees, surcharges and the like. I say it is time to take a stand. Time to make our voices known. Time to let “The Man” know he’s trampled on our rights. It’s time to let our grievances be known to the world.
OK. Everyone listening?
Here’s the plan. Next time you get one of those bills ... overpay.
You heard me. Overpay those puppies.
Confused? Don’t be. Here’s the insidious, scandalous plan: If you get a phone bill for $46.72, write your check for $47.00. If you get an electric bill for $53.41, write your check for $54.00.
And if you really want to be outrageous — when you get a bill from your water company for $39.27, write your check for only $39.30.
You got it. If these companies decide they can make up fees and charges, then we can decide to fight back. Pay ’em 12 cents more. Pay ’em 29 cents more.
What would this accomplish? Not much, but it gave me such satisfaction last month during my overly painful bill-writing session that I cackled like a manic.
I giggled like a cuckoo. I guffawed like a hyena.
And it made me feel so good this month — when I opened all my bills — to see that the phone, water, insurance, gas, and electric companies all owed me!
Well, at least they credited me the 12 cents or 67 cents that I overpaid them. But it felt great that the gas and electric companies owed me for a change. And I giggled like a maniac when I saw the phone company’s “Credit” line on my bill, with a 49-cent credit to my account.
Will this accomplish anything? Will this let our plight be known?
Probably not. It will probably just cause some computer an extra 1/10000th of a milligram of toner to print our bill with an extra “Credit” line.
But the satisfaction of knowing that you control your bill — even if it is for a fleeting moment — makes even the most stalwart of us break down and gigglesnort as we mail our bills.