Airplane Nutz

I just finished a trip. By air.

Flew on a couple of different planes. I've traveled by air quite a bit, and have some definite gripes and ideas.

1. I hate small planes. I'm a big guy - and it isn't the width of the seats that bother me. It's the leg room and height. It really doesn't matter for most people under six feet, but if you are six feet tall or over, you are guaranteed banged knees. You'll have them pressing against the seat in front of you - and if the jerk in front of you reclines their seat back, you're in misery. Also, having to stand up and walk down the aisle sucks. You have to hunch over and duck under low hanging equipment.

2. I hate airplane food. Why do flight attendants give you a half-can of a drink? Why not just give us the can of soda/water/juice? It would save on space. I mean, how many people are OK just drinking a Sprite out of the can? As long as it is cold, I don't need a little plastic cup with some ice. And since airlines are cutting back on food, all we get now (if we're lucky) is either Chex mix or peanuts. Unless you fly first class....

3. I don't like escalators, but I love the moving walkways. Big airports have great moving walkways that give you that extra 6 mph in walking if you are late to a flight. Escalators, on the other hand, are moving stairs. Why do some jerks need to walk up these???

4. Security. I know, since 9/11 we have more dangers. But you'd think they could afford a couple of more security stations, especially in the bigger airports.

5. The carry-on luggage rule should be enforced. I saw people with large, bulky cases cramming them into the overhead bins. Briefcases/Laptop cases and small bags are one thing, but don't just carry on your suitcase because you hate baggage claim.

6. Finally, I loved the "Self-Checkin" that Delta and other airlines use. A touch-screen computer will help you check in faster. Nothing against airline ticket people, but they seem to type and type away for minutes just to enter in your name. Automation was great.

Lastly, in this huge rant, I don't get the 'you need a boarding pass to go to the gate" idea. This kills families seeing off their loved ones and hurting the homecoming fun. Just a thought.

Ramen Noodle Spoodle

For lunch I eat a lot of things, but recently I have been eating a lot of Ramen Noodles. To be more specific, I am eating more "Smack Cup Ramen". You know, the ramen noodles in a styrofoam cup that you can add boiling water. I found them at Wal-Mart for around $0.35.
I'm glad to have found a cheap lunch, and I'm pretty particular about the flavors. I'm allergic to shrimp, so that eliminates a few flavors. I don't care for the Wal-Mart off brand, either. Too much salt. The Smack ramen, the Union Foods brand, is my favorite.



Here's my list of flavors and my ratings:

http://www.unionfoods.com/

Beef: Bland. Not fun eating.
Chicken: Ok. Needs some extra flavor. Not enough meat.
Shrimp: Allergic, never had -- not really want to either. Probably would die.
Hot & Spicy: Okay. Not spicy enough, though.
Vegetable Beef: How is this different than the Beef, other than an extra teaspoon of carrots?
Cajun Chicken: See note below.
Chili with Beans: Had once. Never again. Bad gas and heartburn.
Picante Shrimp: See Shrimp.
Creamy Chicken: Nope. Bad aftertaste on creamy stuff. Not worth the 33 cents I paid.
Spicy Chicken: See note below.

The Spicy Chicken and Cajun Chicken are so close in my rankings I couldn't separate the two. While the Cajun Chicken is a tad spicier, the tastes are very similar. I mean, if I had a blindfolded test, I probably couldn't tell the difference other than the spicy factor.

I would give anyone these following tips when eating these:

1. Use very HOT water. It will make the dry goods hydrate faster and be ready faster. Sip as it cools.
2. When opening, don't pull the lid all the way off. Instead, pull it halfway, put in the water, then push it back onto the top.
3. Put something on top of the lid (CD case, wallet, stapler) heavy enough to hold the steam and heat in. This will make the food 'cook' faster.
4. Lastly, if you are using a microwave to heat your water, use a coffee cup full of water. This is a good measuring cup. Just be careful in pouring in the water.

Enough about Ramen. Just be warned that if you eat the Cup variety, you'll never want that other kind. This variety isn't as salty, oily and has both meat and veggies to nibble.

That's my lunch. I sometimes eat crackers with it, maybe even some chips. This isn't enough to make you full.

Missionary Memory Mnemonics

Certian people occupy certian places in my memory. Friends, relatives, schoolteachers. Each have a particular place in my psyche. While I don't claim to have a perfect memory, I can remember some people and places better than some.
Missionary companions have an interesting place in my fabric of a memory as well. Mostly fond memories, some strange, others weird and even some not so fun.
But all in all, I tend to have a good recall of that 2 years I spent knocking on doors in Sweden. And of the people I met and taught.
And, of course, the people I did it with. Missionary companions are a strange lot. You live with a new roomate/companion 24/7 and learn all there is, just about, to that person.
What caused my memory to throw a monkey wrench into the works today was when I was contacting a few friends. I am so used to using their last names while talking to them. Cano. Anderson. Hawkes. Mann. Ashworth. Shepherd. They will always be known as this, or by their once title, Elder --- Äldste or Syster.
But using their first names?
Albert Cano. No way. Brian Anderson. Nope. Matt Hawkes. Can't do it. Kelly Mann. No thanks. Julia Ashworth? Yowch! Ryan Shepherd? No way, Jose.
Maybe in the next life we'll spend the eternities getting used to each other's first names. But as for me, when talk to them it's hard asking for "Al Cano, please" on the phone. Am I alone in this? I hope not. Maybe it's just a side effect of being on a mission and adhering to a mission rule to only address your companion thusly. Maybe it's normal. I sure hope it isn't just a symptom of me not getting to know my companions as well as I should.

Pottermania has me in its grip

Hi. My name is Dale and I’m a Harry Potter addict.
I’m 31 years old. I have a college education. I’m married and have two-and-a-half kids. I read several books a month, sometimes ranging from a dozen to topping 20 or so. Reading is my favorite hobby and vocation, and I enjoy it.
But even with all that, I’ve read the Harry Potter series (which now stands at five novels) ... seven times.
Seven times. That’s over 2400 pages times six. That’s over 16,000 pages.
That’s a lot of Quiddich, Hogwarts, Bertie Botts’ Every Flavor Beans, Chocolate Frogs, house elves, Nimbus 2000 and Firebolt broomsticks, Professors Snape and McGonagall, Headmaster Dumbledore, Hagrid, Hermoine, Ron and my favorite wizard of all, Harry Potter.
I own all five books. I’ve signed up on Amazon.com to let me know the very nanosecond Book Six comes out. I own the two “textbooks” that have been published, “Quiddich Through the Ages” and “Care of Magical Creatures.” (I’ve read the Quiddich one five times.)
I saw the first movie on opening weekend. My wife (a Harry addict in her own right) and I were the only adults in the theater without any children. Our six month-old son was being baby-sat by his Grandma — arrangements for his care on the movie’s opening weekend were made before he was born. The second and third movies were seen on opening weekends too -- this time with babysitters for both our kids again. We own the DVDs. We've seen em' a lot of times.
I fought with my wife over who gets to read Book Four as soon as we bought it. She got first crack — I had to drive home from the store so she was already a chapter or two into it — so I re-read the first three books while she read the fourth.
When Book Five came out, I drove to the store by myself at 5:30 a.m. to get it. I was in line for only a minute and was the first to get it. I sat in the car for 20 minutes and read 3 chapters before taking it home to my wife.
I think Quiddich should be made an Olympic sport as soon as the Department of Magical Games and Sports can work out the details with the International Olympic Committee.
I think hippogriffs, blast-ended skrewts, unicorns and three-headed dogs should be at every local zoo.
I think that we should all have enchanted, flying cars despite what the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office wants.
I think we should all receive the newspaper by Owl Post. That would save on costs.
You might think I’m crazy as a loon. And I might respond with waving my pencil in your direction muttering a Patronus Charm. Am I crazy? Hm...
Of course. I think anything in this charming, magical and brilliant collection of stories that teaches that good always triumphs evil, friendship is all-important and the fact that excitement can be found in a good book — is crazily good.
I think any story that gets American audiences to plunk down $100 million in one week to see the first movie on is a great thing. And continue to do so each movie is even greater.
It’s basically choosing fantasy. Real life can be scarier, more boring and weirder. Harry’s world — and yes, I know it’s all make-believe — is at times a much more fun world to escape into. It certainly stimulates the imagination. And isn’t developing an imagination healthier than reading about war, terrorism, taxes, budget cuts and politics?
I certainly think so. I say we need more Quiddich. We need more Hogwarts. I think we need more stories that get millions of children (and adults) reading 800+ page books for the sheer pleasure of reading. I say we need champions of right, people (both real and imagined in books) that stick up for their friends, no matter what.
So there, you Muggle-loving, Anti-Harry, Right-Wing Conservatives that think that everything Potter is evil, anti-Christian and demonic. Pointing fingers at this bastion of good beating evil and calling the whole schebang a “tool of the devil” is about as ludicrous as saying that Pikachu is the Beast of Revelation in league with the Anti-Christ. (This is a Pokemon reference. For more information, ask a human under 11 years old.)
Harry is cool. Harry is ‘da bomb.’
If you want me, I’ll be finishing off Book Five, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix for the eighth time. And you can bet your broomstick I’ll be one of the first to buy Book Six.
Maybe this time I’ll let my wife drive home.

An Insipidous, Criminal Idea

I have an idea.
I have such a whopper of an idea that I’m sure it will get me in trouble, one way or another.
This idea is so great, so diabolical, so ingenious, I’m surprised no one has thought of it before.
It’s simple. It’s crazy. It’s outrageous. It’s destined to make you laugh, others mad and some confused.
This idea is so laden with insanity and rebelliousness that I’m sure to be labeled a zealot, a wacko, a nutcase. And after you hear my stupendous idea, I’d bet you would agree with my looney brain and actually think it would be fun.
Are you frustrated with fees? Tired of small charges? Sick of additions and small percentage interest charges? Tired of seeing a small bill inflate because of $1.23 here and $0.56 there?
Phone, utility, insurance, car and credit card bills — they all do it to us. They put surcharges and fees up our collective wahzoos.
I say it’s time to strike back. I say it’s time for a revolution. I say it’s time to get our minds off anthrax and terrorism and strike back on our own against fees, surcharges and the like. I say it is time to take a stand. Time to make our voices known. Time to let “The Man” know he’s trampled on our rights. It’s time to let our grievances be known to the world.
OK. Everyone listening?
Here’s the plan. Next time you get one of those bills ... overpay.
You heard me. Overpay those puppies.
Confused? Don’t be. Here’s the insidious, scandalous plan: If you get a phone bill for $46.72, write your check for $47.00. If you get an electric bill for $53.41, write your check for $54.00.
And if you really want to be outrageous — when you get a bill from your water company for $39.27, write your check for only $39.30.
You got it. If these companies decide they can make up fees and charges, then we can decide to fight back. Pay ’em 12 cents more. Pay ’em 29 cents more.
What would this accomplish? Not much, but it gave me such satisfaction last month during my overly painful bill-writing session that I cackled like a manic.
I giggled like a cuckoo. I guffawed like a hyena.
And it made me feel so good this month — when I opened all my bills — to see that the phone, water, insurance, gas, and electric companies all owed me!
Well, at least they credited me the 12 cents or 67 cents that I overpaid them. But it felt great that the gas and electric companies owed me for a change. And I giggled like a maniac when I saw the phone company’s “Credit” line on my bill, with a 49-cent credit to my account.
Will this accomplish anything? Will this let our plight be known?
Probably not. It will probably just cause some computer an extra 1/10000th of a milligram of toner to print our bill with an extra “Credit” line.
But the satisfaction of knowing that you control your bill — even if it is for a fleeting moment — makes even the most stalwart of us break down and gigglesnort as we mail our bills.

Waiting in Line

It doesn’t take long to make someone mad.
I’ve noticed that if you really want to make someone lose their temper, you can do a number of nasty things. You can pull them onto a TV talk show and reveal that your great uncle Rupert was really a cross-dressing extrovert that really fathered your brother.
Or you can make them wait in line for something.
Those ever-stuffy Brits like to call it queing. But what ever you call it, people hate it. And I couldn’t hate it more than my last trip to the local water company.
Don’t get me wrong — I think my service with them has been pretty good — no brown water, no water shortages and the like. And despite an overly large connection fee, I think we have a pretty good water department here in this part of Arkansas.
What my last trip did to tarnish my view of the company was the overly large lines at their main office just last week when I went to pay my bill. I did notice several signs telling customers that we could pay our bills at other locations here in Pine Bluff. Cool. But what I didn’t understand is why they had just one cashier lane open.
One.
Uno.
I kept my temper and was patient for about 15 minutes, longer than the others in the line that had been waiting longer than I. But the pressure finally got to me and I asked for another cashier or a supervisor to come help.
That’s when my line-mates all thanked me. I felt great.
And when the supervisor showed up, he made the mistake of coming out into the line to talk to us all to resolve our concerns.
Big mistake.
After voicing my frustrations, all 15 of us started yelling at once, especially after he said there were no more cashiers to help us.
I felt sorry for him ... for about two seconds. He was jumped by an angry mob on a Thursday afternoon without any warning, and it probably wasn’t his fault.
Whose was it? Why do we have to wait in lines anyway?
When I go to my local grocery or department store I see something that was woefully lacking at the water department and other assorted line-waiting-places. If I stand in line at Wal-Mart or Brookshires and there are several customers in line, store managers jump to their intercoms and call in chashiers or checkers and open more lanes.
If I walk into a fast food restaurant and stand in their little rat maze — you know the zig-zag corridor thingy that they make you walk through to make you feel like you’re moving but are really just taking the longest possible course from Point A to Point B? — most of the time the managers open another cashier for us to pay our money and get services or products.
There is a whole culture to waiting in lines. We’ve all been there. We’ve all stood in the “12 Items Or Less” line at the store and watched some hapless person who can’t count try and buy 14 items with a check.
That kind of stuff can get someone the “Evil-Eye.”
The “Evil-Eye” is the blatant, “I’m-disgusted-with-you” stare that we’ve all seen and/or given at one time. It usually means “Hurry up or I’ll pull out your kidneys through your toenails.”
To give credit where credit is due, cashiers/checkers have to deal with a lot of different people, whether they be in a restaurant, grocery store or water department. They are working as fast as they can (most of them) and are working with either little or no training. I bet airline ticket agents have the record for keeping their tempers with surly, tired passengers in a crowded airport. And I sympathize with those waiters that have to deal with rude, crude or obnoxious customers.
That said, a little perspective is in place. As a customer, I don’t want to wait in line for more than 5 minutes. And if I have to, I will get up and leave — voting with my feet.
But in a place where I have to wait, such as a water department line, the DMV, hospital or other needed service, I feel as though the customer suffers most. I’m there to get something, and not necessarily because it’s the most fun thing in the world.
It’s because I have to. And that’s more frustrating than waiting in line.

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban the movie...

Saw it opening weekend.
In a word: Cool.
Lovers of the book series will find a lot here to complain about. Crookshanks the cat and several characters have been dimmed down. But you can't stuff a 350 page book into 2 hours. I liked the fact that we saw more locations of Hogwarts -- and the whole Hippogriff stuff was very well done, especially showing Harry's love of flying.

I was disappointed in seeing how much Quidditch they cut out -- but in a movie that establishes Lupin and Black as major characters for the next few books, I can see why the director/writers did what they did. I also liked the effects in this movie -- not as over the top as in #2.

The werewolf scenes were done without precedent - it was better than I'd imagined. I also was gasping at Harry's Patronus charm done to drive away the dementors. Quite possibly one of the nicest effects I've seen in movies in a long time. Daniel Radcliff sure is becoming a good actor -- I wish the Rupert Grint would stop freaking out as much as Ron. Get a better scared face!

One particular scene was not in the book but gave the great feeling of "belonging" that Harry felt at Hogwarts. He and a bunch of his roommates are sitting around, trying different magical candies. Each one gets to make some fun noises - Harry tries a peppery candy and smoke comes out of his ears. Really funny - but it is his reaction with "the guys" that shows that he is truly home and has a place to fit in. Good for him.

Well done movie, wish it was a bit longer, wish more Quidditch, loved the Firebolt, hope Book Four is done even better. It's good to see these actors grow right along with the book's characters too.

Superhero Summation

Watched a episode of the Newlywed Game a long time ago. One of the questions they asked the brides was "If your husband could be a superhero, who would he be?"

My answer would be
1. Superman.
2. Spiderman.

While I admire the X-men, Batman and others, Superman beats them all for one simple reason: He can fly. As a kid, that was my one dream after seeing Christopher Reeve in his blue tights whipping around Metropolis. I'd fall asleep at night, dreaming that I one day would wake up the next morning floating above my bed and able to soar above the clouds. His strength, speed and super abilities were secondary to me. He could fly!!!!

Spidey runs a close second. I guess I identified with his geek status, his outside looking in. I also thought he never got the respect that he deserved in the early comics. I liked that he could walk on walls and that he was a "little" guy. I mean, he routinely beat bigger and tougher opponents. Plus he had the best taunts and wisecracks.

But swinging on webs can't beat flying. Ever. So webheads can get over it. Live with the fact that flying always will trump swinging. heh.

Movies and My Top 5

Inevitably, almost on a regular basis, I'll get asked what my favorite movie is. And, as a normal 30 year-old, I get strange looks when I reveal my favorite movie list.
A bit of background: I used to review movies for three different newspapers. I didn't always get to review the movies I wanted to see, but I got to see a lot of movies. Some were great, enriching entertainment. Others weren't worth sucking on the sticky theater floor for nourishment.
An example? I saw "The Patriot" with Mel Gibson. Liked it. A while later I saw "Loser" directed by Amy Heckerling. It sucked -- the aforementioned theater floor.
I also have seen a large amount of movies that were made before I was born, thanks to cable and satellite. So my favorite movie list isn't full of movies made after, say 1987, like most of my peers seem to concentrate on.
So, without any further mayhem, here is my favorite top five films. I'll post the other favorites later.

#5 "Sound of Music" with Julie Andrews. I don't like every musical that has been released, but I do like this one. Besides being a part of Americana and will continue to be in the social conscious for another 100 years or so, I think it has some pretty straightforward messages and a number of brilliant performances. Andrews is at the top of her mountain (no snickering) and her voice is at its sultry best. And her costars are equally brilliant. And the scene in the gazebo shot in silhouette - oooo!

#4 "Field of Dreams" with Kevin Costner. Probably the ultimate baseball film, it paces well and, I think, is a better screenplay than a novel. Costner actually tries to act -- but it isn't his performance that captures my eye. It's James Earl Jones that steals this film.

#3 "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart. No, I don't think this is a sentimental film. It has it's Hollywood cheesey moments, but Stewars honest acting shines through here. And you can't beat a Frank Capra directed film. I think this movie beats out Casablanca and Citizen Kane.

#2 "Star Wars: A New Hope". For those non-Star Wars fans, this was the first one, the one released back in 1977, the one with Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher. This movie probably influenced me most in my entire life. I mean, the Force, Jedi, The Empire, Darth Vader, Obi-Wan! This mythos was my mythology growing up, not the ancient Greeks or Romans. And despite the detractors and idiots that say that the new crop of movies are worse or don't hold up to the "standard" of the first trilogy, I say, poo on you. If it is a Star Wars film, it's all gravy to me. Stay tuned for more blogs about Star Wars.

And Number 1...

#1 "Chariots of Fire" I can see you scratching your head. What? When was that? Didn't it have some guys running and the Vangelis soundtrack? Didn't it sweep into the Oscars in 1982? Yes. And this movie, as subtle and overbearing it can be at times, swings for the fences and connects, takes aim and hits the mark, or *insert your own sports cliche here*. This movie changed sports films forever (underdog wins, slo-motion, dramatic music). I have seen this movie almost as many times as A New Hope, but the difference being that I can quote the lines in Star Wars, but when I watch Chariots, I just sit back and bask in its glory.

There. That's my list. I have revised the order of these movies only once in the last 10 years (trading Sound of Music for Raiders of the Lost Ark) but only time will tell if I can find another film that will top Chariots.

Say what you like, but this is me.